Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Transcript of my call with an Indian Microsoft Support scammer.

I've had several of these scam calls from Indian companies trying to lie their way into controlling my computer before and they're SUCH good fun!  Instead of rambling on about this surprisingly virulent criminal behaviour I'm going to give you a rough transcript of the call I just received from 02102490540

Them - Hello, I am called from XXXXXXX in London, we are a Microsoft Partner

Me - Oh goody, this sounds like it's going to be fun

Them - Do you have computers in your house yes?

Me - Is that question rhetorical?

Them - We are calling from Microsoft, we believe you are having problems with your computer.

Me - Well mercy me, how did you know that I'm having problems?

Them - We have been told by Microsoft that you are having problems with your computer.

Me - Lordy lordly and lummy thrice, how did Microsoft think I'm having troubles with my windows computer?

Them - We have been told there are bad signals coming from your network.

Me - Really?  How so?  I mean most Windows installations are OEM-installed and are usually unregistered, so even if Microsoft was aware one of their OS installs was experiencing problems they'd likely have no idea as to the identity of the user, and would be even more unlikely to share the identity of the owner / operator with a third party (even if they were a Microsoft Partner) due to a complex web of privacy issues.

Them - But there are bad signals coming from your network...

Me - I very much doubt you would be able to see that because my network is behind a firewall, and as such machines on a reserved IP range behind the firewall wouldn't be openly broadcasting their IP out to the Internet, you must know - as a Microsoft Partner - that internal networks are masked by any router or firewall that is acting as a NAT.  Also, even if you were able to see this information that is supposedly being blasted around the web like some sort of poorly seal calling for it's mother's teat how would you know that IP belonged to me?

Them - Microsoft give us that information, this is very urgent, you have problems with your computer...

Me - Nah, even if I was using a static IP to access the internet only my ISP would have a record of  my IP (and possibly my physical location) using that node, and that's assuming my ISP is logging their DHCP leases, which I'm not sure they are.  And anyway, if they were why would they share that information with Microsoft?

Them - *Silence while I assume they leaf through a document containing appropriate responses*

Me - I think you're talking poo.

Them - Excuse me sir?

Me - I don't have any Microsoft computers.


Them - .....................................................................



Picture is unrelated, although that is what my office at home looked like years ago.