This post was inspired by (and written for) a competition over on Nicola Morgan's 'Help! I need a Publisher!' blog HERE. The winners were great, so it's well worth having a look at them HERE.
I'm not the only person staring at my feet. Of course the others are staring at their own feet, not mine, apart from James, but you know about his filthy fetish. Sorry, I'm being 'inappropriate', but I know how you loved to laugh when you shouldn't, and when nobody else would dare. It's a shame they denied your final punchline.
I wonder if anyone else is talking to you in their head. You must be bored stiff (ha!) in your coffin on the dining table (don't worry, mum told them to put down coasters first).
Why is all this pomp amusing me so much? Probably because I know you would hate it. Dad made a big deal about the service being how he thinks you wanted it, shame they didn't give the you send off I know you really wanted, but where did you expect them to find such a large catapult?